Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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