Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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