dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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