So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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