Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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