I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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