why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
