Quick, to the slutcave!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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