She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize