hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
