Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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