I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
