He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
