It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
pray to the hookup gods
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
