we're blogging at a bar
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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