He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
