Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
