cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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