i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
