dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
