I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
