i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize