I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
