how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize