We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
