im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
