Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
