Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize