During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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