We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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