I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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