I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
