If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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