I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
