I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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