Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize