Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
