well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I party with great urgency now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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