I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize