they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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