New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
