THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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