Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
