it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
