she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
