my mouth tastes like poor choices
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
