Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
