I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
