it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
