I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
