I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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