White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
