Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
