If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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