After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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