It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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