just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
