While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize