I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
