my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
