so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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