She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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