Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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