Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
