yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
