Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
As shirtless as possible
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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