I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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