so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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