I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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