You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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