You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
