You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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