I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
