Where is the hickey?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
