The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
